2004-07-30
9:32 p.m.

Air Instrumentation, Part the Third: Solo Air

Now that Clay is traveling the country (or at least the part of the country that is not California) on his third tour in a year, there has been much discussion on the boards as to whether or not he is showing any growth as an artist.

To this we say, pshaw!

Of course he is showing growth as an artist.

In fact, we would state unequivocally that Clay is on the path to becoming the greatest air musician this world has ever seen.

Just look at how far he's come already.

A year ago, a team of air experts investigated his education in the School of Air Instrumentation in the Music Department of the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, where he studied air theory and performance. There he mastered the basics of air guitar and wrote an undergraduate honors thesis on "The Effects of High Ozone Levels on Air Acoustics and Upper Respiratory Allergies." He even wrote some original air music, although to date he has been hesitant to share any of these early air compositions with his adoring fans.

He honed his skills in the proving ground of the Johnston County Hometown Connection. He was young, he was wild, he looked hot in lime green sateen. And his air guitar was smokin'.

Unfortunately, the philistines who run American Idol do not appreciate the fine art of air instrumentation and would not allow Clay to play his air instruments during the show. They said it was because it was a talent show for singing and not for air playing, but we suspect they knew his white hot air guitar would make Ruben�s air piccolo look downright silly and give Clay an unfair advantage in the competition. It wasn�t until the final night, before his last AI performance ever, that he dared to sneak in a bit of air instrumentation, taking just one ding on the air triangle for good luck.

Despite AI's attempts to handcuff Clay--mmm...handcuff Clay...yea--um, handcuff Clay's air music abilities, they did look the other way when he began to incorporate a little air instrumentation into the AI2 Tour. They knew he was the star of that show, so they let him get away with it. He started out easy, with more conventional air instruments like the air guitar

and air drums

But then he showed us he had added to his repertoire since his student days, incorporating both brass and woodwind instruments, and even a little air conducting.

During the Independent Tour, Kelly played a guitar with a pretty feather strap and sat on her piano.

Clay played an air guitar with an invisible feather strap

and tried to sit on an air piano.

Yes, we have seen growth and development. Clay has continued to impress us with his ability to learn and diversify.

And nowhere is it more apparent than in the Not a Tour. Here we see a mature artist come into his own.

The second half starts with a tribute to the art of air instrumentation when he reprises "Still the One" for the Hometown Connection fans who asked him to scratch their itch again.

But this nostalgic display of old school air instrumentation is only the beginning. It does nothing to prepare us for the most magnificent display of air instrumentation ever seen on the concert stage. The performance...the wonder...the phenomenon that is...

...

Rosanna.

Toto, we're not on American Idol anymore.

This is air instrumentation like it's never been seen or not heard before.

Clay has taken a tired old 80s song about Courtney Cox's sister-in-law and transformed it into a glorious spectacle of magnificent proportions.

He's a whirling dervish of ethereal talent. His air guitar makes the likes of Eric Clapton and Eddie van Halen seem like awkward amateurs fumbling with clumsy instruments made of actual matter.

Oh, and the cymbals. Dear lord, the cymbals. No plexiglass screen can protect us from that manic display of talent.

We can finally see the payoff of all those years he spent studying the technique of that master drummer, Animal from the Muppet Show.

How far he's come since the now relatively tame air drums of the AI 2 Tour.

And the bass drum. Just look at him go at that thing!

He can even play it with his A$$!

And when he plays the air� well, we don't know quite what air instrument he's playing here, but it appears to be an entire percussion section of timpani, chimes, xylophone, perhaps some marimba, and a gong.

Whatever it is, he's playing the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of it.

It would seem that after Rosanna, the absolute pinnacle of air instrumentation, there really isn't any further that he could take his art. But this is Clay freaking Aiken we're talking about. Who knows how he'll blow our minds next.

Written by Katynka
Super spazzalicious Rosanna gifs and cap by Melissa
BOTW gif by Kelly