2005-04-19
8:54 p.m.

Pontificator Tuesday

Headline News with Wendy and Katynka

Kat: Look, I see white smoke coming from the judges conclave...they must have a winner...

Wendy: No, it's just Paula getting high for tonight's show.

Kat: Oh. Then let's go back to our regularly scheduled broadcast already in progress.

****

Dr. Phil: As Ah was saying before the break, today we have with us supermegastar and humanitarian, Clay Aiken.

Clay, welcome. I love your sweater.

Jay: (under breath) I wanted to wear that sweater.

Clay: Thank you. Phil.

Dr. Phil: Clay, you are one gorgeous man. Very handsome.

Clay: Thanks.

Dr. Phil: And so talented! Have y'all heard this boy sing? He's got some pipes! Ah've never heard such wonderful singing.

Clay: Aww, you're embarrassing me.

Dr. Phil: I mean it, Clay. Ah've never known such a handsome and talented young man in mah life. Never.

Clay: Thank you, Phil. But I came on your show to....

Dr. Phil: And Ah am so honored you came on the show. You are such a wonderful person. Ah wish Ah could have someone as wonderful as you on every episode.

Clay: Well, thanks again, but...

Dr. Phil: Clay, have Ah mentioned how wonderful you are?

Clay: Yes, Phil, you have.

Dr. Phil: And your book! This book...this book...excuse me a moment. Ah'm just so moved by how brilliant your book is, Clay.

Jay: CLAY! CLAY! CLAY! It's always all about Clay! I wrote a book too, you know, Dad!

Dr. Phil: Jan, I mean, Jay, Ah know you wrote a book. We'll hand out copies of your little book to the audience. But they also get Clay's fantastic book!

(audience roar)

Jay: Dad, he's looking at me!

Dr. Phil: Oh, shut yer piehole Jay. Now let's go back to talking about how wonderful Clay is.

Jay: (grumbling) What do I have to do to get some attention around here?

Benedict XVI: Vat are you complaining about? I got elected freakin' POPE today, and all anyone can talk about is Clay Aiken.

****

by The Wentynka (Wendy and Katynka), with inspiration from Melissa and Mr. Wendy