2004-01-24
1:05 a.m.

Clay in Stuckeyville

Ebay Gold

It's the end of a long week. Friday night. The night those two hardworking single Broads, Melissa and Katynka, had been anticipating for so long. The night of their big date.

They got ready for him with great care. They were dressed to the nines in PJs and slipper sox. Each had a cat draped over a shoulder. Melissa brought a bag of oreos; Katynka made the margaritas. These Broads know how to par-tay. They settled in and waited for their date, who was supposed to arrive shortly.

9:00
He's here! OMG! It's starting!

9:07
When is he going to be on? I want to see him!

9:09
EEEEEEEE! They said his name! Did you hear that? They said his name!

9:12
They said his name again! They must have taken pandering lessons from Leno.

9:16
And again! We should make a drinking game out of this!

9:22
Cheers!

9:25
Why are they showing all these other people? Who cares about Ed and whatserface? We want Clay!

9:27
Bottoms up!

9:33
Okay, it's gotta be soon. We want to see him! Now!

9:37
"Clay Aiken Tour" OMG! Did you see that? How cool! Do we drink to that even if they didn't say his name?

9:38
There, they said it again anyway, so it counts. Or does that mean we should have another one?

9:41
Oh, come on! We want Clay! We want Clay! We want Clay

9:42
Salut!

9:45
WE WANT CLAY!

9:48
Okay, he has to be on after this commercial.

9:49
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! That's him! Look! OMG! He's so adorable. He needs a haircut. What's with that shirt? Where did he wear that shirt before? Stubble! Ugh, that hedgehog.

9:49:33
Oh, look at him acting! How cute! Guh! those hands as he swings the water bottle! So sexy.

9:49:45 Aw, look at his reaction when Ed says "stud." How sweet.

9:49:51
HA! Ebay gold! Funny! Oh, the eyebrow raise! We heart the eyebrow raise.

9:50
This is it! They're introducing him. He's going to sing. "The original playa from the Himalaya." Huh?

9:51
This Magic Moment! OMG he sounds so good! And look at him! HOT!

9:51:27
Hey, they're talking! Burt Reynolds and Blair Brown are talking! Why are they talking! Eek! They're showing Burt Reynolds! We don't want to see Burt Reynolds! He looks like an iguana! Yuck! Put the camera back on Clay! Stop showing BURT!

9:52
There's Clay again. Phew. He's gorgeous.

9:52:03
NO! Stop talking! We can't hear him! Make them stop! Who cares about the plotline? We want to see and hear CLAY! Don't make us go all Clay Aiken fan on you! 'Cause we will!

9:53
"Shut them up! He's on the stage!"

9:53
They're STILL talking! These people in Stuckeyville are SO rude. Clay would never talk while someone is singing. No, he would not. And that's why he has a manners award and Tom Cavanaugh doesn�t.

9:54
There he is! Oops, now they're showing some dumb character. There he is again!

9:54:23
The Way! Yay! Ah! Oooh!

9:54:57
THEY'RE TALKING DURING THE BLEEPING WAIL! THEY MUST BE STOPPED! NOOOOOO!

9:55:07
That's it? It was over so fast. I always thought it would last longer.

9:56
Pass the oreos, please.

--Screen caps and text brought to you by Melissa and Katynka, several margaritas, even more Oreos, one hot young actor/singer, and the ever talkative citizens of Stuckeyville.