Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2007-05-08
1:22 a.m.

Jericho

Woop! Woop! Woop!

Erin: The siren! And look! In the sky! It's the Broad Signal!

*Broads drop everything and run to the Broadcave under the Ranch*

Jannet: Nelle, what is it? Why did you use the Broad Signal?

Nelle: Oh dear, we've had an emergency message from Clay.

Erin: An emergency? What happened?

Nelle: He wants us to save Jericho.

Karen Eh: The city?

Nelle: No, the television program.

Jill: There's a show called Jericho? I didn't know that.

SuzyP: Well, that would explain why it needs to be saved.

Lisa: What can we do?

Nelle: We all have to watch it, of course.

Melissa: Isn't that the nuclear apocalypse show? I love those! I'm in.

Katynka: It's opposite America's Next Top Model.

Melissa: Uhhhh, wish I could help. Gotta go.

Nelle: Well, I'm going to watch it, even if it is on opposite Tyra, because Clay asked me to. Who's going to watch with me? Jill? Julie? Karen, you'll watch, eh?

*Broads disappear with mumbled excuses and apologies*

Nelle: All right, then, I'll watch by myself. I'm sure it's an excellent program if Clay likes it. Luckily, I can watch all the episodes online. I'll start with one and work my way through.

Katynka: Is there anything else we can do to help? Besides actually watch the show, that is?

Nelle: I know. We can make a mainpage!

Katynka: A mainpage? About post-nuclear devastation?

Nelle: Yes! That's the perfect answer! It will bring the show to the attention of millions of readers.

Katynka: I don't think we have millions of...

Nelle: And it will get Jericho an Emmy! Remember, LOST won an Emmy after we did our LOST mainpage...

Katynka: I don't think it was because we...

Nelle: Just make the ding dang page!

Katynka: Yes ma'am.

*Nelle sits at computer and watches pilot episode*

Katynka: psst! Julie! What the heck are we supposed to write?

Julie: Darned if I know. Maybe an idea will come up as she's watching.

Seven hours later...

Katynka: Look! A fairground!

Nelle (startled): Huh? What?

Katynka: Nelle, did you fall asleep?

Nelle: No I did not. How could I fall asleep during this fascinating and uplifting show?

Katynka: Um, okay. I was just saying, look there's a fairground in this episode.

Nelle: So?

Katynka: Well, sometimes we go to fairgrounds to see Clay sing. Maybe we can use that. And when they're running from the murderous guards, that can be the rush for general admission lawn seating. Oh, and look at that map. That's like the maps we make to chart the cities he's going to tour in.

Pam: Does that mean Clay's going to finally come to the northwest again?

Katynka: Is that a purple scarf that woman is wearing?

Nelle: That's Heather.

Katynka: Whatever. We could make her a Broad. I can put a tiara on her and stick Clay in the picture. Like this.

Nelle: Another photoshopped tiara? Isn't that the same one you used on the penguins?

Katynka: I know, I know. The tiara bit is getting old. But this show isn't giving us much to work with.

Nelle: What do you mean? It's an excellent program.

Katynka: So tell me more about it. Maybe that will help us get some connection to Clay.

Nelle: Well, it's basically a soap opera....Skeet Ulrich is one of one or two or three brothers in a family that includes a powerful but gentle father and a sappy but tough mother. There's all these interacting relationships with the sons girlfrriends, wives, different friends being from warring neighboring towns, etc etc etc.

There's big guns and horses, too.

Lisa and Erin (simultaneously): Big guns and horses? There's your connection to Clay.

Erin and Lisa: *giggle*

Katynka: I don't know, this show doesn't sound very good.

Nelle: It is quite excellent. After all, Clay likes it. Sure, it's a little bleak. And not very well-written. And... Oh dear, I don't think I like this program. I'm sorry, Clay.

Katynka: Can we stop with the page then?

Nelle: No, we have to do this for Clay, whether we like the show or not. Did you find any pictures we can use?

Katynka: I did find a fan site with screen shots of that episode with the fairgrounds.

Nelle: Good, let's use those.

Katynka: But they're only pictures of Skeet Ulrich. Pages and pages of screencaps of Skeet looking moody and pensive. See, moody and pensive,

moody and pensive,

moody and pensive,

Oh, this one's different. This one's pensive and moody.

This is ridiculous. Who would make pages of screencaps of someone like this?

Nelle: *raises eyebrows in Kat's direction*

Katynka: Touch�. But it's Skeet Ulrich, for goodness sake.

Nelle: Shhh. I think Julie is a Skeet Ulrich fan. Now let's see what you have so far.

Katynka: It's not much.

Nelle: Read it to me.

Katynka: Dot - dash - dash - dot ...

Nelle: Skip the Morse code. Let me see the pictures you've been working on.

Oh look, there's Clay as part of the cast. He'd like that. I wonder if he'll do a guest appearance on the show?

Oooo, he looks so brave.

Um, what's happening in that one?

Katynka: Tickle fight?

Jill: Okay!

*Broads all reappear for a Broadpile with tickle fight.*

Nelle: Broads! We have work to do! We have to help Clay save Jericho. This is serious business!

*looks at pile of giggling, laughing Broads*

Nelle: Oh dear. Might as well join them. *swan dives into middle of Broadpile*

Meanwhile, somewhere in Hollywood...

Skeet Ulrich (moodily and pensively): If Clay and his Broads don't come soon, who's going to save the world for us?

***

by Katynka, with help from Nelle and Julie. And Skeet.

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