2003-10-05
12:04 p.m.

Broadmuda Triangle: Katynka (Kat)

How I Became a Broad

Although it feels like I've been here forever, I think I'm the newest Broad among the Main Page Broads. Unlike some longtimers like Erin and Julie, I didn't officially become a Broad until after AI was over. I've recounted my AI saga in How I Became Clay Aiken's Love Slave over on my Web site. That story serves as a prequel to this one.

Those were days of innocence, before my life was turned completely upside down, inside out, and front to back, just like Clay's feet.

I was enjoying life, watching AI every week, confident that right would triumph in the end. I lurked on a variety of boards, including LBFCA, and convinced myself that this was just a normal interest in a popular television show. Nothing that violated my sense of identity too much.

Because, you see, unlike many of you, I had never really had obsessions like this in the past. Okay, there was that embarrassing fling with Shaun Cassidy when I was 12 (actually 12, as opposed to thirtysomething acting like 12), but prepubescent crushes don't count. Since becoming an adult, I've prided myself on being above that kind of thing. I was the cool, aloof intellectual who liked to show off by talking about opera and postmodern poetry. (Who knew how soon that would become radio countdowns and People magazine?)

I have a good friend who's been a fangirl for years now. I used to mock her mercilessly for the Ricky Martin poster in her study and the cross-country trips to 'Nsync concerts. What kind of grownup acted like that?

Not me. No, I was just curious. And I only looked at the message boards to get new information. Or to analyze the interpersonal dynamics that occur online. I even told myself at one point that I was gathering data for an interesting scholarly article on community building on the Internet. I was detached. Above it all.

And deeply, deeply in denial.

And then came the Anamoly.

That hit me hard. Harder than I could have ever predicted. I didn't sleep at all that night. For the next week, I avoided all things Clay. It hurt too much. Literally hurt. Bad. And added to the hurt was the confusion I felt at realizing just how much it hurt. I couldn't make sense of it, so I responded, as usual, by diving deeper into denial.

I shunned the post-AI rehashing at the water-cooler. I turned off the tv to avoid the Clay/Ruben appearances. (I now sorely regret missing the Diane Sawyer swoon, the Larry King Clay-in-a-hat, and the bendy legs on the Today Show.) I told myself I wouldn't get involved like that again. It was over, all over.

But after a dark, Clayless week, I realized I didn't want it to be over. I wanted to hear that voice again, see that crooked smile, and to be among people who would understand without me needing to explain.

So I logged back onto LBFCA. I'd read other boards, but never felt that they were places I'd want to join. LBFCA was different. It was a guest book, a place of hospitality. The pace was slow and the wit was quick.

I felt like I'd been standing pidgeon-toed in the hallway outside this party far too long, so I got up the nerve to knock on the door and walked right in by making my first post in the guestbook. I posted at the same time as Kelly and we were immediately welcomed by Lisa and Nelle, and soon met many who would eventually become old friends, like Cindy, Tony, Erin, Karen, Raleighgirl, Sherry, Jan, Wendy in Fl, Marie, and Melissa. I immediately felt at home.

This was at a time when the Founding Broads, who'd been such wonderful hostesses, were leaving the party. I was worried that they might start cleaning up and ask us to get our Clay-drunk kiesters out of there, but they were too gracious for that. They just went off to bed and the party entered its next phase.

With no weekly schedule of shows to watch or voting to be accomplished, the Post-AI party became a bit more informal. Now it was a bunch of Broads (and Tony) just hanging out among the dirty glasses, spilled peanuts, and wine-stained carpeting. Pitchers of martinis and margaritas were brought out so we could help ourselves. We all kicked off our shoes, unhooked our bras (well, not Tony), and made ourselves comfy for the long haul.

The next few weeks were exciting. Any fears we might have had that there would be nothing more to discuss now that the show was over were soon proven to be unfounded. We all swooned when we saw Clay so charming and beautiful on Oprah

And we learned about the Rolling Stone cover. We kept watch as each Broad got her RS, and we all prayed that Wendy in Fl would soon get that monkey off her back. My RS was the first time I melted and Odin had to freeze me. (Odin had a bit of a reaction himself.)

I should note here that Odin had always been a fan of Clay, perhaps even before I was. He was featured in my very first post and created a main page before I did. He's quite proud of Odin's Guide to HTML, which has taught hundreds of Broads the fine points of publishing on the Web, although a few, like Nelle, are a bit harder to teach than others. And Odin is the star of Nelle's brilliant parable, Grizzy Hearts Odin, which should be required reading for all fans. (He's also a bit of a fame whore, in case you can't tell.)

In looking back over that period, the time that stands out most to me was the fourth of July weekend. That was the weekend I realized that I wasn't just posting on a Web site. I was a Broad.

We went into the weekend with the exciting news that LBFCA had been mentioned in a radio interview. Girls from other boards reported that we'd been referred to as "Old Broads" and that Clay was frightened of us. But then, on July 3, Melissa brought us the magic link to the actual interview. Imagine the joy when we heard that it was Clay, not the DJ, who brought us up, and that he didn't say we were "old," and that he giggled about us. It was a great moment in Broad herstory. We've had one or two radio shout outs since then, but hearing Clay say the word lecherous never loses its power. We know he loves us and is calling out to us.

Then, on July 4th, we set aside an hour on the guestbook in remembrance of his father's passing. Lechery was replaced by reflection as we thought about people important to us, both those still with us and those who were gone. I don't open up easily to people, yet I found myself sharing why Clay's mission of special education meant so much to me. And others responded in kind. It was a beautiful day. We shared our stories, listened to each other, and made connections I never would have thought possible. We've seen the same thing happen time and again since then whenever a Broad has needed support.

And that community grew even stronger as the weekend continued. Within a few short hours, remembrance turned to laughter as Kelly and Marie presented us with the iconic Downy Ball post. Fabric softener would never be the same.

I offered up Idol Odin for the first time that night. Rolling Stone would never be the same.

We celebrated as Clay's album shot to #1 on Amazon, and in the days that followed, we named his album for him. Twister would never be the same. (Okay, it would be the same, only nekkid.)

And this was what it was all about. Sharing, crying, laughing. I knew from that weekend on I wasn't leaving any time soon. I realized that LBFCA was bigger than Clay (and we all know how big something has to be to be bigger than Clay).

As the summer progressed, we began going to concerts, and I had the dubious honor of being the first broad to expose her BEVR to the world. I was a bit embarrassed and insecure since I had little to compare my BEVR to. Was mine good enough? Would everyone else have better BEVRs? But Mr. Wendy, a BEVR expert I am told, assured me it was a nice BEVR, so I was relieved. And I was able to enjoy those many many BEVRs that followed in a way I hadn't imagined possible a few short months before.

And then came the Clay Days of the Week. We explored in loving detail ever aspect of our Freckled Stallion--the delight of his Krispy Kremes, the sight of his package, the aural expression of his ears, and his ef'n eyes--in a way that only other Broads could appreciate.

Judging by the stories each new Broad tells as she enters the guestbook, most of us were a little taken aback at first by the force with which this thing took hold of us. And I think part of the fascination others have with LBFCA is trying to understand how nice, normal women leading nice, normal lives can get online and become lecherous broads. LBFCA offers the freedom for us to express the lechery that we all have somewhere deep inside. Where else could we have such thoughts, make them public, and do it all with a sly wit, a little silliness, and a touch of class?

We each fill a place in LBFCA. There's Exuberant Erin, Randy Robin, Wicked Wendy, etc., etc. I guess my reputation is for being Krazy Kat, a dark and twisted soul who's just a bit mad. And I love you all for letting me be that. LBFCA is a safe place where we can let it all hang out and engage in slightly obsessive behavior without anyone rolling eyes or raising an eyebrow.

.

I've made wonderful friends here who have opened my eyes to the fine art of Air Instrumentation, introduced me to the pleasures of life on a ranch, and made me do things I never would have dreamt of a year ago, and have a great time doing them. (Yes, my 'Nsync friend is now getting her revenge, making it clear that going to the Miss America Pageant is beyond anything even she would have considered doing.)

Being a Broad is about more than Clay. Yes, I'd walk over burning coals to get just one squeeze of that Golden Ass. And I've listened to the same 25 Clay songs on an endless loop all summer. And I've watched the Still the One video almost as much as Melissa (no one will ever watch that marvel as much as Melissa.) I sat through three and a half dreadful hours of a bleeping SpongeBob SquarePants marathon just to see him sing (Clay, not SpongeBob). I swoon, yes swoon, over any closeup of those freckles or the undershirt. And I...

Where was I? Oh, yea. It's not just about Clay. It's about what Clay has done to bring us all together. Through him, and through the Clay each of us has created for ourselves (since none of us actually knows the real Clay), we've found a common thread. Yes, we've hit a few rough spots along the way, and sometimes everything isn't to everyone's liking.

But all in all this has been a wonderful democracy, a community of women guided by the gentle hand of Nelle, but built on mutual trust and respect. We are smart, creative women making the Internet do things that the guys who invented the Internet never dreamed of.

We are a modern quilting bee, coming together to express ourselves artistically, bond as women, and share a few bawdy laughs. We've created our own electronic quilt, a collective piece of art which every single Broad who has ever posted in the guestbook has helped to create. This site is our creation, and it belongs to all of us.

I am continually amazed by the talents of the women here, whether it be the wonderful writing all around, or Kelly's technical genius, MnM's video prowess, Cindy's hilarious photoshopping, Sandi's poetry, Sherry's utter mastery of the one-liner, and of course, Tony's multiple talents. (BTW, I'm not forgetting Brudes like Tony and Charlie when I talk about us as women. You, too, are part of our community, but it's primarily a place defined by women, and I love the Brudes for being part of it on those terms.)

This is an extraordinary place.

This is what the internet should be. See how a bunch of big-hearted Broads (and Brudes) can take an impersonal technological medium and transform it into a powerful personal connection and a supportive community. May all of the warmth and caring that fill this board embrace everyone. And may the lives of Clay, his family, and all the Broads and Brudes continue to be filled with love and laughter from LBFCA.

--Katynka (& Odin)

To honor the rich history and tradition of LBFCA, a new series makes its way to our illustrious main page. "The Broadmuda Triangle" wants your Broadly (or Brudely) tale. Who are you? What makes YOU a Broad?

Send your story to Marie via email.