2005-07-18
4:05 p.m.

LB Guide...

Wendy: You got enough paper?

Katynka: Yeah, I think so.

Wendy: Pencils? Erasers?

Katynka: Yes.

Wendy: You're not wearing that cute reporter hat I bought you.

Katynka: I have to draw the line somewhere.

Wendy: Shhh, here he comes.

Katynka: Good to meet you Clay .. I'm Kat and this is Wendy .. we're here from LB Guide.

Clay: LB? Is that Lane Bryant? My old roommate models for them!

Wendy: No honey, we're from the Lecherous Broads Guide.

Clay: OOOOOOhhhhhhh ...

*shifting in his chair and scooting away from us a little*

Katynka: We hear you've been taking a break this summer.

Clay: Yep. Ya know, Ah have so much time on mah hands Ah should audition for the INXS show ...

Wendy and Katynka: *Collective Gasp*

Katynka: Oh my ... well wouldn't that be something.

Wendy: Could you see him singing 'Devil Inside' or 'Tight'?

Katynka: How about 'Original Sin'?

Wendy and Katynka: *Collective GAH!*

Clay: Uh, Broads, ya mind ... Ah'm kind-a on a schedule ...

Katynka: Sorry. Your Mom told us about your trauma after attending a July Fourth Party in DC last year. What happened?

Clay: I don't want to talk about it.

Katynka: That bad? Did someone do something? We had some Broads there. It couldn't have been one of them, could it?

Clay: No. *pause* It was that Amy Grant.

Wendy: Amy Grant, Amy Grant ... she could be a Broad ... if she is we don't know about it ... why, what did she do?

Clay: *blushes* She pantsed me ...

Katynka: Well, if she wasn't a Broad before ... she IS NOW!

*high-fives Wendy*

Clay: ... and then Barry Bostwick decided he wanted me to sing 'Oh Danny Boy' while he chugged an entire bottle of scotch ... that's when Ah grabbed mah mama and got OUT of there.

Wendy and Katynka: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*stern look from Clay*

Wendy: Uh, sorry honey.

Katynka: That Barry ... good times ... good times ... lets get your hairdresser in here ... We love your new hair and we'd like to ask him some questions.

Wendy: We noticed the spikes are gone ... Did you change his hair to make him look older, sleeker, more sophisticated ?

Katynka: Hawter, Sexier more delicious?

JohnD: Um, no ... I changed it because there were times when doing his hair became overwhelming. I mean, he likes hair care, but I've noticed he doesn't like the intensity of the flatiron ... when I would grab some of his hair he would scream! It scares him. He's like ... 'I'll let you iron it, but why can't you let go?'

Wendy and Katynka: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*another stern look from Clay*

Wendy: Okay, that's all, hair-boy ...

Katynka: So how are you enjoying California?

Clay: Ah LOVE California and the Broads in California are especially wonderful ... but then there's all these fruits and nuts ... and they're all just rotten inside or cause allergic reactions and we all know how much Ah dislike allergic reactions.

Wendy: *mumbling as she scribbles* ... fruits and nuts are rotten ...

Katynka: You're selling your house?

Clay: Yes, Ah have to get out of there! It was great at first ... and now it is just the weirdest thing! Tom Cruise showed up at mah door one day with this package ... he told me 'packages have feelings too' ... and then proceeded to gush about Katie ... no wait, that's KATE and tell me that Ah 'don't understand the history of packages' ... and Ah shouldn't be so glib ... he kept repeating mah name over and over ... all while jumping up and down on mah sofa ... you should see it!

Wendy: Soooo ... what's the weird part ... I mean, you ARE talking about Tom Cruise ...

Katynka: Sounds like he might be a Broad ... 'Packages have feelings too' is um ... pretty lecherous.

Clay: Ah loved that sofa .. it was the first piece of furniture Ah ever bought and now it has his footprints all over it ...

Katynka: One word ... EBAY.

Wendy: Here's one for the Broads ... anyone special? I mean, are you MAD about someone and you're just keeping it a secret?

Clay: No, no ... Ah'm not mad about anyone ... mad AT someone maybe ...

Katynka: Really loved that sofa, huh??

Clay: Is it that obvious?

Wendy: Uh, yeah ... Clay, you recently traveled for UNICEF. Can you tell us ... are Brad and Angelina a couple?

Clay: *giggles* Ah have NO idea about that.

Katynka: I asked her to keep her Team Jolie love under wraps ... sorry ... So tell us about your UNICEF experience ..

Clay: *Clay speaks eloquently and at length about his UNICEF missions*

Katynka: Fascinating!

Clay: Here's a picture of me from Uganda ...

Wendy: OMGOMGOMG! Do not let Robin see that ... that baby will end up all alone on the floor and you .. well you'll be um, sideways .. I think my ovaries just exploded! Look at you! Look at that Baby! Humanitarian!Daddy!Clay!

*Wendy falls over*

Clay: Ah'd love to testify before Congress and say ... 'Listen get off your butts!'

Katynka: EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! C-Span better broadcast that!!! Feisty! Politician! Clay!

*falls on top of Wendy*

Clay: Oh my lord and taylor ... this always happens.

*the two wake up from their stupor and he is gone, but has left a complete list of information*

Wendy: *looking over notes* Wow Kat, we got some great notes! All these details about his UNICEF travels, his CD, a complete playlist for the tour ... We need to write this up!

Katynka: Okay, wait ... let's look at the artwork that DESIGN sent over to go with the article. I wonder what picture they chose.

*opens envelope and pulls out picture*

*Wendy and Kat fall over*
*Notes drift down and land in a puddle of drool*
*Odin saunters by, sniffs at the two unconscious Broads, and pulls the papers out of the puddle. He squints at the smeared and illegible ink, rubs the back of his paw over his forehead, and then begins to type.*

later....

LBGuide Editor: Joe, the Aiken interview just came in over email. Wendy and Kat have outdone themselves. This is much better than their usual writing.

Another WenTynka Joint:
aka Wendy in Fl and Katynka

Thanks to Pats for the scans of TV Guide and MgM Pat for sharing them ...

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