Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2003-11-11
9:05 a.m.

Broadmuda Triangle: Mb

Who I Am

Hi. My name is Mb and I am a Lecherous Broad for Clay Aiken. After lurking for months it feels great to finally take this first step. So many of the BTs sound just like me, it seems almost redundant to write this, but I feel I must to move on to the next step.

As a child, I listened to Christmas records all year long because I was in love with Johnny Mathis. The first record I ever bought was Barry Manilow. When everyone else was �Haaay-ing� with The Fonz, I couldn�t get enough of Anson Williams. (Did any body else cry when Potsy sang �Put Your Head on my Shoulder to Joanie?) The first concert I ever saw was James Taylor. I know all the words to Mack the Knife because it was my father�s favorite song! In other words, I have always loved the crooners.

In the late 80s, armed with a brand new Masters degree and an old Nissan I set off for my first �real� job at UNC-Charlotte. My mother cried the night before I left. She said she was afraid I�d fall in love and never come home. I laughed! I was independent! I was ambitious! I was over-educated! I knew that sponges weren�t just for dirty dishes! No man would ever be able to tame me!

A few months passed. I weathered a Cat 3 hurricane, broke up with my beautiful, but dumb boy-toy, got smacked in the face by the ugly realities of racism, and loved every minute of being independent, ambitious, and over-educated. Then a mutual friend introduced me to a grad student from eastern North Carolina. To quote her: he�s not the dating type, but he�ll cook us dinner and let us watch television on his big screen. Expecting Chinese food and old movies, I was greeted with a cheerful, if slightly snarky, �Hey y�all!� and I was hooked. He was everything the boy-toy wasn�t: smart, charming, SOUTHERN, quick with a crooked grin, sexy in an outrageously unassuming way, and those eyes! He had the most beautiful hazel eyes I�d ever seen. Best of all, he was almost 4 years younger than me! (I've always thought if you get them when they're young, they're easier to train.) Within the week took me to Winston-Salem to experience �HOT� Krispy Kremes for the first time.

(And yes, you�re on the right page � this isn�t a fanfic!)

Fast forward 10, okay, it�s closer to 15, years and here I am � happily married to my Carolina charmer. (Mom is happy, I dragged him north with me.) We have a terrific marriage, a lovely home, jobs that we like well enough to go to every morning that pay well enough to enjoy life, an adorable 6 year old son (who, no lie, has out-of-control red hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a quick crooked grin! I'm just beside myself wanting to spike his hair, but the ultra-conservative Catholic school we are torturing him with won't allow it!), yet somehow, my Carolina charmer will forevermore be the PCLL � Pre-Clay Love of my Life.

How Clay Entered My Life

One night last winter my mother and I were channel surfing. I stopped to listen to some hysterical shrieking on the AI2 auditions. I hadn�t watched any of AI1 and found that Justin kid obnoxious. As I was about to change the channel, this funny looking guy came out and in that soft southern drawl I am such a sucker for, told America: �Ahm themerican idol.� And then he sang and I was hooked. My mother, quite the lecherous broad herself, commented, �Damn, listen to that skinny kid sing!

Time passed; it could have been a week; it could have been a month and I made PCLL watch AI2 with me. I told him about these two guys who should go all the way � a gigantic man who made me melt when he sang Superstar and a skinny little kid who�s voice could fill a stadium. To my delight, both of these men sang that night and PCLL was hooked along with me!

How I Became a Broad

More time passed; it could have been an hour; it could have been a day and I needed to know more about this Clay Aiken. I began web surfing. At first I was satisfied. I learned that Clay went to UNC-Charlotte and was a teacher. I saw the beautiful transformation. I listened to the beautiful music, but something was missing. I realized that I was adrift in teeny-bopper-land. These little girls could not possibly understand the essence of Clay. His subtleties were being wasted on them. They thought he was �cute� in a high-pitched squeal, not �cute� in a guttural sigh! I began to wonder if I was alone out there in cyberspace � just one old broad lusting alone in a sea of pre-adolescent surf. Just for the hell of it, I added the words �old� and �broad� to my next �Clay Aiken� google.

Please, be not offended my beautiful, sexy, ageless Broad-Sisters! I chose that �old� word only in comparison to girls I had encountered to that point. I would never consider one of Clay�s gurrls �old."

Imagine my delight when Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken appeared at the top of my search list! I couldn�t believe it! There are women like me out there! And they�re smart and funny and lecherous and most of all, they get Clay! I feel good all over when I�m reading the MPs and PPs. I laugh with my Broad-Sisters. I swoon with my Broad-Sisters. But mostly, I have been able to live vicariously through my Broad-Sisters.

Despite PCLL�s belief that Clay is enormously talented, he simply would not agree to go to a concert. Despite PCLL�s love for Krispy Kreme�s, he can�t find that deep connection to Clay that I find growing within me daily. Despite his strong desire to return to the Tarheel state, when I asked PCLL if we could get jobs in Raleigh, figure out where Miss Faye lives, and buy a house in her neighborhood, he called me a �little freak� and reminded me that stalking is illegal. In other words, I need the Lecherous Broads to keep me up on Clay.

Where Do I Go From Here

Clay has made me a better person. I want to be nice to children because Clay loves them. I want to sing along to the old songs, because Clay would sing them so beautifully. I want to be back at UNC-Charlotte � independent, ambitious, and over-educated, because Clay could sponge the dishes like nobody�s business. And I want PCLL because he�s smart, charming, SOUTHERN, sexy, and mine! I read in the PPs someone�s musing that husbands everywhere should be sending Clay thank-you letters. How right you are, gurrl-friend!

I�ve gone on for much too long � this looks like about 13 1/2 inches of text to me � so all I have left to say is, thank you. Thank you, Broads, for being who you are. Thank you, Clay, just for being. And thank you, God, for the Broads, Clay, and PCLL!

-Broad Mb

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