Rowdy:
Once again, this is Gooden Rowdy ...

Cox:
And this is Ivana Cox and we are here to bring you up to the minute Ranch Olympic updates from the beautiful Double O Wild BEVR Ranch in the State of Delusion. This place really is beautiful.

Rowdy:
Not to mention all the beautiful Broads roaming the grounds. How does that Clay Aiken manage to stay away from this place ... it's a paradise!

Cox:
Today we have recaps for multiple events ... Apparently multiples are a favorite here with the Broads ... We'll be talking with winners from the Standing Broad Jump, Rowing and Badminton.

Rowdy:
Those sound great! Let's get right to it.

Rowdy:
And unlike the high jump, which showcases Broads running and jumping onto a makeshift stage in an attempt to reach Mr. Aiken, the Broads begin from a stationary position.

Cox:
There were some favorites going into this competition. As we all may recall, Robin has been known for her lunging techniques ... and we're convinced that little could stop Melissa from getting her hands on him.

Rowdy:
Unfortunately, those two were suspended from the games ... it appears Melissa had an "illegal use of the hands" violation, while Robin had an "improper use of the tongue" penalty.

Cox:
Thus paving the way for others to make their way to the top of the haystack.

Rowdy:
And we're joined now by Purple Medalist Lisa M...

Cox:
Welcome Lisa M, how does it feel to be the official Champ'een of the Summer Olympic Broad Jump competition?

Lisa M:
I'm shocked!! I had no idea that all that preparation would actually get me here!! And then when Melissa and Robin were suspended ... I knew I had to give it my best shot and well, here I am.

Rowdy:
Quite an impressive distance ... 13.5 feet from a standing position. Looks like Clay doesn't have a chance with you around.

Cox:
There's that number again, 13.5 ... how interesting, don't you think Lisa? Lisa?

:: suddenly Lisa M disappears, the camera scrambles to catch up with her, she has just lept forward from a standing position ::

Rowdy:
What is it Lisa M?

Lisa M:
Sorry, thought I saw him.

Cox:
Well, we'll leave you to it.

Lisa M:
There he is!

:: Lisa M disappears again ::

Rowdy:
Nothin' like wet Broads ... and boy have we got 'em.

Cox:
Uh, yeah whatever, the rowing competition doesn't really involve getting wet.

Rowdy:
You've obviously never been in THIS rowing competition.

Cox:
Can we send you home?

Rowdy:
Let's go LIVE to the shores of the Holdin' Fast Home at Last River ... and talk with our Medalists in the Two Broad Rowing Competition.

Cox:
Pam and Pats ... congratulations on your medal winning performance today.

Pats:
I just have to say 'thanks' to Pam for allowing me to join her team ...

Pam:
It was hard to share my redheaded coxswain, but once I realized I needed help meeting his demands to "stroke, stroke, stroke" I knew Pats would be a great help and now here we are!

Cox:
Pam you've also found yourself on the haystack numerous times in these games ... Mountain Biking along the Cinnamon Trail ... scoring a Silver medal in the "Give it your best SHOT and PUT out ..." with Purple medal going to that Trampy Wendy in FL ... no surprise there.

Pam:
HA! Yes, she was stiff competition ... I've had a great time preparing for the games and working out on the Cinnamon Trail ... submitting to the redheaded coxswain and giving it my best shot and putting out time and time again in preparation ...

Cox:
And you Pats ... Pats? Where did she go?

Pats:
I'm uh, I'm over here with the coxswain. Excuse me.

Cox:
Well, okay ... Thanks for joining us.

:: Pam and Pats have disappeared ::

Rowdy:
Well, I guess they're gettin' that party started!

Rowdy:
She actually made a formal request to the Broad Olympic New Entrant Registrars (BONERS) that her event be changed. Bold move ... took bal-

Cox:
Don't even go there!
Welcome afca, can you tell us why you felt so passionate about changing your event.

afca:
Well at first, the thought of carrying the baton securely to the finish line was definitely the goal. Then I considered how much fun it would be slapping the cock back and forth. Up and down ... under and over ... all while going back and forth across the "clay" court.

Rowdy:
Excuse me?

afca:
The shuttlecock ... thinking about slapping it back and forth makes me giddy!

Cox:
Well, there you have it ... Join us next time for more events, more medalists ...

Rowdy:
I think I've found my new home.