Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2006-12-13
10:05 p.m.

Open House ...

Linda LovestobeaBroad: As a special treat for Clay's birthday - the Broads have decided to open the elusive Double O Wild BEVR Ranch doors for a private tour.

Nestled amongst rolling hills on the banks of Lake Holdin' Fast Home at Last in the middle of the glorious State of Delusion lies the home of the Lecherous Broads. Their beloved Ranch has never been seen by the outside world. But today - we are being treated to a rare glance into their world. Katynka, Wendy - thank you so much for sharing the Broads magnificent Ranch with us.

Wendy: Our pleasure - but can we keep this on the down low?

Katynka: Yeah, Nelle, the Keeper of the Keys - doesn't really know that we're here.

Wendy: She's back East with the Stallion - you know what they say ... when the Keykeeper's away...

Linda: So this is an unsanctioned visit?

Katynka - Wendy: (Unison) Exactly.

Linda: Oh ... okay, well, this place is enormous!

Katynka: 50,000 square feet.

Linda: Wow! That's a lot of square feet.

Wendy: We need it for our pool tables and giant love sacks.

Linda: Giant love - what???

Katynka: Sacks.

Linda (voiceover): The kitchen - it seemed - was off limits as Wendy leapt in front of the door and suddenly reverted to a cantankerous Cookie Wendy persona.

Cookie Wendy: There could be some - ahem - kitchen tools out - you just never know.

Linda: I'm sure the Claynation would LOVE to see the inner-workings of the kitchen, Cookie.

Cookie Wendy: If'n Ah have to git' mah spatular - Ah'll do it lit'le missy.

Linda: No - no spatuala-er needed.

Linda (Voiceover): The Ranch theme continued with the Wild West Room. Sort of.

Katynka: We bought these spurs in Arizona and these boots in Wyoming and this rug in Colorado ...

Wendy: And the furniture is from Amish country and this ... *points to another desk in the corner* ... is Amish via Sam's club in Ft Lauderdale.

Linda: But - Amish isn't Western.

Wendy: Whose Ranch is this?

Linda: (Voiceover) We continued through the Ranch House into the dining room. Which was adorned by some very interesting artwork.

Katynka: We had this commissioned.

Wendy: Yeah ... it represents different parts of our personalities. Lecherous, lecherous and ...

Linda: Lecherous?

Katynka: No, pulchritudinous*.

Linda: Well, y'all are a colorful bunch.

Linda: Tell me about these pictures.

Katynka: Well Marilyn is our Goddess. And the boys are some fans from waaaaay back.

Wendy: And Dolly - well she's our decorator.

Katynka: Yeah, she decorated this whole place - said she was inspired by a movie she was in once.

Wendy: Yep - Dolly is a Broad in the purest, er ... truest sense of the word.

*they hear scratching down the hallway - Raleigh is whimpering and whining trying to get inside the kitchen*

Linda: Is that Clay's dog? Raleigh?

*Kat and Wendy look at each other*

Katynka: No - no it's not.

Linda: But, it looks like Raleigh and she's wearing a rhinestone collar that says Raleigh.

*William suddenly stops playing the piano*

Wendy: *through clenched teeth* William dear, who told you to stop playing? *turns back to Linda* It's a souvenir.

Katynka: Yes, we found it in Vegas.

Linda: *looks warily at Kat and Wendy* Oh .. well. Okay.

Linda: (VoiceOver) Just at that moment Nelle Keykeeper returned from her trip back East and my tour came to an abrupt end.

Nelle: Oh dear, television cameras at the Ranch???

*Kat and Wendy hang their heads*

Nelle: I'll deal with you two later ... Linda, you'll just have to go now. And please get those cameras out of here!

Nelle: (whispering) You didn't show them the...'kitchen'...did you???


Another WenTynka Joint
aka Wendy in FL and Katynka


Photoshops by Kat and Wendy

*Our word of the day. Do you know what that one means, Mr. Aiken?

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