2003-10-12
7:50 p.m.

Pattigirl Video BEVR

Breakin� Aiken Video BEVR:

My Saturday Afternoon With Hollywood Clay

by Pattigirl

My pal Christy and I are lucky Broads. On Saturday afternoon, we stood on Hollywood Blvd. a few feet from this:

Downy wrists. Sunburned ears. We were really damn close. This photo was taken by Christy with a zoom lens, but it has not been further enhanced. Hmmm. That's not a bad idea.

Everlasting gratitude is owed to Broad Courtney for posting the hotline tip to �be� in the video (meaning have the back of one�s head in a crowd scene.) My goal was to be there so I could spread the light and be able to share this amazing experience with you all, because you have given me so much joy these past months.

I will skip the details on waiting for the callback, explaining to my husband why I am abandoning the family - �Clay AGAIN???!!!� and cut to object of our affection:

The concept was a New York autumn street festival, with a crowd �discovering� Clay and his band on stage. (By the way, I assume this will be inter-cut with other segments. I also surmise anyone who watches will have no idea this is supposed to be New York street festival) Wearing the requested sweaters and scarves despite the sizzling heat, we discovered them again�and again�and again�not that I�m complaining.

HOOKERS!!!!

Clayton asked us to come (thank you, honey) at 2PM. It was disturbing to discover he had been two-timing us since 7AM with a bunch of hookers, who were being paid $100 for 10 hours worth of adoration - jumping and down, waving hands over head, clapping - you know, all the stuff we naturally do at the sight of him. One of them told me she was a USC student who had been approached on campus by a stranger who told her she was �the perfect type for the Clay Aiken video.� Nice story, babe.

Since it was Hollywood Blvd., I must disclose that male prostitutes were also involved. I overheard one of them snicker into his cell phone, "I�m at a party with Clay.� RUMOR MONGERS STOP HERE: Clay had nothing to do with these naughty boys!

 MAKE WAY!!!!

Despite the fact that Christy and I are old enough to be Clay�s aunts, and had been unable to schedule emergency collagen injections that morning, we were sly and attractive enough to slide in among the hookers. We got far more face time than the �Claymates� (what the assistant director actually called them). Broads rule!

By the way, some of those who showed up did not get the �autumn in New York� message - they were wearing skimpy tops. How inappropriate! I�ll bet sweaty Clay did not appreciate that, because he followed instructions.

WARDROBE PROBLEMS

I am really getting tired of Clay wearing too many clothes: long sleeved tee-shirt, covered with hooded sweatshirt vest, topped by a jacket. No white t-shirt was visible, thank you.

I know �they� are trying to �bulk him up.� Note to stylist: We ADORE slender Clay. We want him to wear a tiny t-shirt and show us the bones. Ironically, he is going to waste away if they make him wear a sauna suit all day.

The pants were baggy. What�s up, Clay? Well, a true Broad could find a package here:

YOU WANT DETAILS????

He drank orange Gatorade. Someone occasionally held an umbrella over his head. He never fled to a motorhome. He held a tiny battery-powered fan. He never appeared cranky or went diva on us.

DRIVE BY BONUS

A huge black SUV paused on the other side of the street, as driver Ruben Studdard yelled, �I love you, Clay!� He was greeted by cheers, laughter, and a wave from Clay. This was the single spontaneous moment of the afternoon.

WASH YOUR HANDS, HONEY

Part of the staging was for Clay to bend down, reach out, and touch the hands of the hookers.

I got as close as the third row, and he touched second row hands. So I�d guess I was about four feet away on this move. Which leads me to the �heart� of this BEVR:

LET CLAY BE CLAY�NOT

We all agree that Clay�s connection with the audience is already legendary. Not in this video. The only deep bend we got was the abovementioned, choreographed hand touching. There was a slight jacket pull. There was very little eye contact. His eyes were consistently cast downward or closed.

Oh, you like him with him eyes closed? Here�s a closer shot:

Sorry to say this, but there was no genuine connection here. Hey, it�s not his fault. This was a lip-synch with a paid audience who largely did not give a damn about him. He had to repeat it hour after hour in the blazing sun. The same girl had to keep handing him a teddy bear, and he had to caress it. Every move was planned. When he looked at me and those nearby, I felt as if he did not see us. It was hollow. I was hoping for an �eye f**k.� I may have gotten it, but he was fakin�. Well, that�s reality.

After each take he graciously extended his hands to the crowd in a gesture of gratitude. His mike was a prop. I�m sure he said, �thank you� but I never heard a single word from him all afternoon.

Between takes I stared at him. He is so beautiful and looks so very young�about 19. I thought about the makeover, and knew that what I saw was way beyond hair and contacts. A magical spirit has emerged, and he is so friggin' adorable. How could this guy have never been in love, and be so matter-of-fact about it? He is like a giant treasure chest! I digress here, but, Clayton, you need therapy. Call the Broads when you�re ready.

THE FINE LINE BETWEEN TOO MUCH CLAY AND JUST ENOUGH:

It may be impossible for you to imagine too much Clay, and this may horrify you, but we only stayed two hours. The shoot was supposed to last another two. We heard that nothing new was likely to happen. Just repeat the same scene again and again, with no hope of hearing a word from Clay. Real life was calling, and we didn�t want to overload on Clay and spoil the future fun.

It was surreal, fabulous and unforgettable. I love him more than ever.

THE POWERS THAT BE = KNUCKLEHEADS?

We were asked to sign a release for our appearance in the video of �Invincible.� Not only do these fools not know the title of the future #1 song they are promoting, but they managed to refer to the �Vincident.� When I told Clay, this was his response:

He is such a gentleman. We all know what he wanted his fingers to say.

PATTIGIRL, Los Angeles, October 12, 2003

-Written and Photographed by Pattigirl

-Additional photos courtesy of Strikerx98

-Posted by Melissa