2006-02-06
12:19 a.m.

The Day the Monkeys Went to Pluto

Wendy: Kat! Kat! I just got back from the zoo and something is terribly wrong!

Kat: Calm down, what is it?

Wendy: *breathless* My gorilla ... you know the one that offers me his food???

Kat: *rolls eyes* Yes, what about him?

Wendy: He's missing!

Kat: Oh I'm sure he's just in another part of the zoo.

Wendy: NO! He's not!

Kat: And you're so sure??

Wendy: *sheepishly* I asked his handlers.

Kat: Well what did they say?

Wendy: All the monkeys and primates have disappeared!

Kat: Monkeys don't just disappear!

Wendy: I know!

Television Reporter: Tonight's top story - Beloved movie star, author, and philanthropist, Curious George, is missing!

Wendy: See!!!

Kat: Something is very wrong here.

On a Space Ship orbiting the Earth ..

Alien Momma: Clayton - are you hungry honey?

ClaiKAHN: Momma - it's ClaiKAHN when we're on the ship - and no, I'm not hungry - I had breakfast on Pluto. Please make sure I'm connected - I need to BLOG.

Meanwhile back on Earth ...

Kat: What is going on?

Wendy: I don't know ... but I'm going to find my monkey!!!

Spaceship ...

Alien Momma: Clayt-, I mean, ClaiKAHN, don't you think we should be heading back home now?

ClaiKAHN: No, we need more monkeys!

Alien Momma: But don't you think we already have enough monkeys? We got so many on that last planet we landed on.

ClaiKAHN: *smiles* Yeah, we really hit paydirt on that planet! Although they made it tough for us, holding me captive and everything.

Alien Momma: Oh, I was so worried about you! But not as worried as I was when you went after that big one. When he picked you up, I thought you were a goner.

ClaiKAHN: It was all part of my strategy.

Alien Momma: Strategy, schmategy. My heart can't take another fright like that. We're going to get you your monkeys and get on home.

*takes over controls*

ClaiKAHN: What are you doing?

Alien Momma: We're settin' this thing down ...

ClaiKAHN: BUT!

Alien Momma: But nothin' - young man - you want monkeys - sensors show a multitude of life forms on this Ranch. There must be lots of monkeys here!

ClaiKAHN: That Ranch is in the middle of nowhere - but if you're sure about the monkeys - lots and lots of monkeys ...

Alien Momma: Lots of monkeys ... we can land here. Now put on your best sparkly spacesuit and a nice hat. It's important to make a good first impression. And take the robot with you, in case anyone gives you any trouble.

ClaiKAHN: Oh, Mom!

On the Ranch ... a large group of Broads have gathered around ...

Wendy: It started with Sock Monkeys and Sea Monkeys and local Zoo primates ... and now, Curious George has been abducted as well .. The Man in the Yellow Hat is beside himself ...

*collective gasp*

Kat: Someone or some 'thing' is stealing our monkeys!

Nelle: We need to be vigilant - we have a lot of monkeys to protect.

*Kelly comes running in, breathless*

Kelly: A spaceship...just landed on the back 40!

*Broads all run out*

Wendy: OMG!

Kat: The door is opening!

Kelly: I'm scared! *cowers behind Nelle*

*The hatch slowly lifts*

Nelle: Oh, dear.

Erin: *screams*

ClaiKAHN: Hi, guys! I come in peace.

Erin: *screams*

Melissa: *faints*

Kelly: That's one hot alien!

Sherry: Hee hee. He said "come."

ClaiKAHN: I come for your monkeys.

Wendy: You can't have my monkey!

Erin: *screams*

Sherry: Hee hee. He said "monkey."

ClaiKAHN: *getting frustrated with the screaming and giggling* Take me to your leader.

*The Broads part, leaving Nelle standing in front*

Nelle: Oh, dear. That would be me, I guess.I am Nelle, Keeper of the Keys.

ClaiKAHN: I am ClaiKAHN, King of Pluto. Come on my spaceship so we can talk about your monkeys.

Kat: Don't do it, Nelle!

Wendy: He can't have our monkeys!

Erin: *screams*

Nelle: It's all right, dears. ClaiKAHN, I will come on your spaceship.

Sherry: Hee hee.

Kelly: Did you see how hot he is?

*Nelle follows ClaiKAHN and his robot onto the spaceship, where she is immediately surrounded by monkeys*

Nelle: *screams*

Nelle: ClaiKAHN, why do you want our monkeys? OMG, what is your robot doing to that sock monkey?

ClaiKAHN: Don't worry. It is experiencing no pain. We are merely testing it's auditory acuity and vocalization skills.

Nelle: Huh?

ClaiKAHN: We want to see if it can sing. You see, I'm working on my new CD, and I promised my fans something "different." And what's more different than a choir of monkeys?

Nelle: Oh dear, that certainly is different.

ClaiKAHN: We've been traveling the galaxy gathering monkeys. Some can sing better than others.

Nelle: So I hear. Do you sing too, ClaiKAHN?

ClaiKAHN: Yes I do. *sings last chorus of Solitaire*

Nelle: Oh my. *fans self and then gives ClaiKAHN a good long look up and down and fans self some more* So ClaiKAHN, what will you do with our monkeys?

ClaiKAHN: I'll take them back to Pluto with me. They'll live in my palace and listen to me sing. Why?

Nelle: I was just thinking I might know where there are some more monkeys for you. I'll be back in a minute.

*leaves spaceship*

Nelle: Broads, quick! We all need gorilla suits. NOW!

***

--by the Wentynka (aka Wendy in Fl and Katynka), with a little inspiration from Clay's spokesperson.