Lecherous Broads For Clay Aiken!
Lecherous Broads for Clay Aiken!


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2007-01-22
8:36 a.m.

The Sport of Team Clay

Nelle: (Lightly dancing and trilling her way through The Ranch kitchen.) It's the most wonderful time of the year....there'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting....tra la la la la la di da.....It's the most wonderful time of the year....

Erin: Umm....Nelle? Bless your heart sweetie....but Christmas is over, hon.

Nelle: Oh, I know. I know....but I'm not happy because it's Christmas. I'm happy because it's January and the playoffs have been great.

Erin: The playoffs?

Karen Eh?: (pops the last piece of stale shortbread into her mouth then washes it down with expired eggnog) She means the NFL playoffs, Erin. They're the best thing ever. They just ended, and now there�s two weeks of superbowl buildup�all I�ve had to do on weekends is toss Mr. K'eh a beer and a hotdog, come mealtime, as I pass through the den on the way to my computer...just like March Madness and the World Series. I'm sure there's a fancy Japanese word for it.....you know....for when everything comes together in perfect harmony.

Erin: Oh, so you mean like the Japanese word for good sex? (tosses an uncut fruit cake in the step-on can)

Jill: Well, when we figure out all those fancy Eye-talian words we're supposed to be learning we can move on to Japanese. In the meantime, suffice it to say that sometimes life and CBS sports have a way of providing you with exactly what you need.

Erin: Hmmm....you know we could say that sports has actually provided us with more than some extra Clay time. I used it as an analogy the other day when somebody asked me to explain why someone (like me) would want to go see the same concert more than once.

Nelle: People always ask me how I'd feel if Mr. Nelle had a beautiful young movie star's picture dangling from his keys and spent all of his spare time downloading fan videos and obsessing over her hair, or whether she was eating right.

Jill: Or getting any....

(Jill, removes the eggnog carton from Keh's hand and pours the remaining contents down the sink. More Broads wander into the kitchen to hear the discussion and scarf down the last few morsels of Christmas goodies before they land in the trash.)

Karen Eh?: Hee! I think Erin's analogy could possibly work for those kind of questions too, Nelle. Gee....maybe we're more like the Cheeseheads than the Deadheads.

Erin: I think we are! Being a fan of Clay Aiken is like when you have a team that you're obsess......supporting "enthusiastically." Don't people ALWAYS ask you why you're going to more than one show when it's the SAME concert and when you try to explain they look at you like you have two heads.....one of them possibly made of cheese?

Lewd: Yeah, I get that all the time....There aren't any cherry chocolates left are there?

Erin: Well, if you follow a team isn't every game different from the last? They're played in different cities, against different opponents, with differing results......and doesn't the idea of only catching one game per season of your favorite team just seem absurd?

Karen Eh?: It sure does. Can we help it if all of Clay�s "games" are road "games?" And since we all can't make it to all of the "games" in person we have "game" videos to watch and "plays" to analyze note by note, and strand of hair by strand of hair. Over and over and over.

Joy: We have team colors.....like for LBFCA our color is purple.

Brenda NY: We have merchandise and memorabilia, pins and T-shirts, posters and thongs.

CaroleZ: Don�t forget our tiaras and purple boas!

Nelle: Did you see Clay wore his purple uniform in Baltimore!

Karen Eh: Uhhh, Nelle, I think his suit was brown there�that�s just a lighting effect.

Nelle: Hrmph, looks purple in the photo, so it was PURPLE for me.

amy e: Clay gives pre and post game autograph sessions.

Debya: Even Jimmy Kimmel said he and George Lopez agreed it�s like a sporting event when Clay hits the stage!

JaneP: Clay was hawt on Kimmel, Lawd Jesus!

Alyse: Clay says he�s not athletic at all, but we know he can skate!

Mary in MD: Getting tickets to concerts is like getting tickets to games and EVERY game is a playoff game.

NIS: And we all want the ones with the best view of the end zone.

Lisa M: We analyze films and moves.....in slow motion replay...and replay...and replay.

Jennifer: *faints*

Sue: We even have a blooper reel!

jannet: Okay...there's not much on it.

Rachel: Our highlight reels are much longer.

Karen Eh?: I could look at his highlights for hours and hours.

Shieldmaiden: We have special names for special plays and events, just like the sports fans.

Nelle: Yea, like �Miracle On Ice� is the 1980 USA Olympic hockey champions, and the �Shot Heard Round the World� is the name for the 1951 NY Giants homerun by outfielder Bobby Thomson�and Mr. Nelle can tell me all about �The Catch,� when Joe Montana threw the football to Dwight Clark (now young Mr. Nelle chimes in to explain, at the time he was just another wide receiver, but this play made him the 49rs main wide receiver, before Jerry Rice) to beat The Cowboys for the 1992 conference championship to begin the 49rs big run of Superbowl victories. Plus, the play in which Terry Bradshaw threw the ball to John Frenchy Fuqua but Raider�s safety Jack Tatum hit Fuqua and the ball sailed backwards, then Steeler�s running back Franco Harris grabbed the ball just before it hit the ground and ran in for a touchdown with 5 seconds remaining, is called the �Immaculate Reception.�

Granny-NY: *blink* And they call us fanatics?

Karen Eh: Our memorable moments live on�in our minds and in our Clack, like Wilkes Barre MOAM

Gini: The Driving Move

OH Cindy: Nasty Dancing

MLK in NJ: Some of these special memories last for years and years, with special names and numbers.

Wendy in FL: OMG! OMG! What is that move?

Grannytramp: Page 50

Kelly: Tampa 1:04

Nancyinthepeg: Remember The Worcester Rooster?

Nelle: The Vermont Tie Yank-eeeeeeee!!

Nelle: And, talking about TIE moves, don�t forget the Oakland JNT05,
Whipping it Out:

Strutting the Stage with it Out:

Tucking it Back In:

Karen Eh? and Erin: **Roll eyes**

Nelle: Okay, maybe I'm the only one who remembers those. (pets pretty TIE gifs) Can I help it if the man can�t keep his hands off his own TIES!

Katynka: **rolls eyes** Let�s talk about the tight pants!

Julie: The pants don�t even have to be tight if Clay moves�

just�

right�

MGM PAT: Clay has broad shoulders......that don't need any padding.

Jill: A Broadfest is really just a tailgate party in high heels.

Erin: Think about how true it all is, though. Right down to the discussions and arguments over his management and direction.

Gini: Clay is our designated hitter

Erin: Our most valuable player

Karen Eh?: Our best stick handler

giuliana (gc): Sometimes he plays a little rough...

Birdie: Other times, he handles that stick with gentle finesse...

Nelle: Clay is our ball carrier.

Broads in Unison: Guh...

Erin: He did that really well in Waukegan!

Jinx: Don't forget the protection he gets from his own personal line backer!

Martyalice: Whew! Luckily there's no such thing as illegal holding and unnecessary roughness during the offseason here at The Ranch!

Jill: But the illegal use of your hands with still automatically get you down first.

jannet: I think that should be the "illegal use of hands gets an automatic first down."

Jill: Is that the same as getting to first base?

Karen Eh?: No, honey, I think that's third.

Erin: (reaching into the deepest darkest corner of the refrigerator) Do I have any takers for the rest of this plum pudding? Nobody? Okay then, I do believe we're done. Roll in that cheese ball and get ready for some Lays, Broads. We've got a party to start.

Broads in Unison: Woo Hoo! Tailgate!!!!

Nelle: And that's the kind of "gate" Broads enjoy on The Ranch! Now cue up the highlights reel, and pass me a hot studmuffin.

~~~

Erin, Karen Eh? and Nelle

Many thanks to the clackgatherers of memorable moments, including Tasapio, Karen Eh, Matthew Rolston, Kimiye, Katynka, Invisible926, Buzztechie, TheHeidis, LizinToronto, Spotlightlover, qoatg, iheartclay, xxx4clay, SmartyPantsSuz, Solitaire30, educlaytionmajor, Cap121, Salamander, Starhorse, nymom4clay.
Special thanks to Spotlighter for capturing the video and to Wendy in FL for making the Oakland JNT05 TIE gifs ;-)

Thanks to Clay Aiken for everything!

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