2008-02-22
10:56 p.m.

LBFCA Presents: Stick Figure Spamalot

Scene I

Karen Eh: Man, I can't believe how upset Nelle was over the possibility that her Stick Figure Spamalot idea should be canned because those Fox News videos were making the rounds.

Lewd: Yeah, No kidding! I thought she was going to make mincemeat out of somebody over it. I had to send her half a dozen tongue & tie pictures to calm her down.

Karen Eh:Well, if the tie pictures were calming then she surely was riled up. I think people will go mad for these. I predict "right click -save as" fever hitting the Main Page like never before.

Lewd: You do? You think they're that good?

Karen Eh: Yep! They're that good and there's another thing that I don't think ANYONE will fail to notice.......Stick Figure Clay isn't wearing a tunic.

Lewd: Ahhhh....a built in selling feature.

Karen Eh: Yeah, I guess that's one way of looking at it.

Lewd: Oh, honey, there are several ways to look at it...which makes me think Stick Figure Front Row might be a dangerous place to sit.

Karen Eh: Well, I'd better get started before Nelle gets done with those pictures you sent her and wants to see some progress on this thing. She threatened to send me to Finland and I don't much care for fish.

STICK FIGURE SPAMALOT SCENE I (well, the first one for which we have artwork that is)

This is the scene when Clay first makes his appearance as Robin, a tower guard. Before this scene there was a fish schlapping introduction with lots of dancing, singing and colorful costumes. The performers smack each other with fish and extol the virtues of living in Finland. ...get it "fish"......"Fin" land? But the Finland thing is a mistake, and when they get that all sorted out, and determine that it's supposed to be England, King Arthur gallops on stage accompanied by his faithful servant Patsy and his horse "Coconut" (which incidentally is NOT a tree nut, though it does grow on one?)

Everyone who's been to the play half a dozen times already has their eyes glued to the castle window on the left (grindage side or in theatrical terms .. stage right) because this is where Clay, as Robin, is about to poke his cute adorable dirty little face out to ask King Arthur who he is, and what in heck does he want. He stop short of asking them if they are selling something which is kind of weird since Patsy has this HUGE backpack on that could hold anything from alarm systems to religious tracts of land.

Arthur and Patsy launch into song and tell the churlish Robin that he is "Arthur, King of the Britons" and that he wants to speak to his master. Robin is unimpressed and claims to be the Emperor of Norway, if this dude is indeed the king. Robin also points out to King Arthur that the horse he rode in on is just two empty halves of a coconut, but the King doesn't really have all that much patience for this itty bitty detail because he and Patsy are out looking for men....men to sit at his very very very round table....like the ones they have in Chinese restaurants.

Robin calls the king on his coconuts and Arthur, who clearly doesn't want to waste any of his precious kingly time talking with a peasant, starts to let his frustration show. Robin is not to be deterred, however, and demands a logical explanation from the king about how he came into possession of the coconuts in the first place. The king claims to have found them but Robin points out that since coconuts are tropical, and don't migrate on their own; something would have had to have carried them to England. Personally, if Arthur had of fessed up to getting them at Safeway or from the props department, then Robin probably would have accepted that since Arthur is costumed like a fairly rich bloke who could afford to shop at the supermarket or get what he wants from the prop master.

BUT (We like big BUTS).....had he done that we wouldn't have gotten the hilarious back and forth dialog between Robin and the king....so we have to forgive Arthur for this lapse in judgment. A voice from the tower on the right (non-grindage) side interrupts and it's Lancelot who was probably up in his window eavesdropping on the premise of measuring for curtains....or vice versa. He tries to give King Arthur an out by suggesting that an African swallow could carry a one pound coconut but Robin (who is not only a skilled mathematician, but also big into hornithology....er.....silent "h"), reminds Lancelot that African swallows are "non-migratory." While nobody looks very happy onstage, as per the sketch, the audience is grinning from ear to ear while some of us are trying to figure out if that castle wall is sturdy enough for us to climb.....you know....to get a closer look at the dirt on Robin's cheek. We even forget that there is plague, over there, in Mercier where all this action is taking place. We just want to ask Robin to say "non-migratory" with the English pronunciation over and over and over again.....if he could whisper it in our ears that would be even better.

Okay....where were we? Ummm.....oh gosh....we're almost finnish with this scene. The king gets no help from Robin so he mounts his coconuts and gallops away. Lancelot inquires of Robin who the dude on the horse was and Robin tells him that was the king and he could tell because he "didn't have sh*t all over 'im"....OMG! He not only looks dirty, he talks dirty, too! BWAH!

And so ends Scene I. It was a dandy! We can't say we were ever the type to put Clay in any kind of tower....ivory....or medieval ....BUT.....that might have to be rethunk. Give us one with a window, some decent finger holds, and the top half of that body leaning over the casement, and we might have to make an exception.

Since this isn't dead yet.....

Stick Figure Spamalot - Scene II

Robin has managed to get down from the tower before we've figured out a way to get to up. He's changed his hat but hasn't bothered to wash his face before rushing off to his second job collecting dead plague victims. He gets nine pence for each one of them and so far this night, he's made 54 pence......enough for a Big Mac back in the day. Off stage we can hear Robin yell "bring out your dead" (funny, we heard the same thing when they were cleaning the Clio Amphitheatre back in '05 but they didn't have a cart they just spooled baggies out of a box and threw us in a Rubbermaid.) Lancelot enters from stage right dragging an old man by the arm who's not quite all the way succumbed to the plague. He attempts to get Robin to take him on the cart while the old dude tries to convince Robin that "he's not dead yet." Eventually Robin agrees, probably thinking he could get a ginger ale with his Big Mac with the 9 pence Lance is offering, and the old guy is tossed on the cart with the rest of the bodies.

Robin tells Lance he's in a hurry to get to Camelot to enlist as a knight in King Arthur's army. Lancelot thinks being a knight would be cool since he loves sword fighting. Robin is a little taken aback at the prospect of any kind of fighting but pretends that it's okay with him. Robin gets cuter and cuter with every step he takes on the stage, and not any surprise at all, the Schubert Theater manager was seen handing out baggies to the ushers soon after the "Not Dead Yet" dance number began. Robin may not have been excited about the prospect of doing battle or general all around crusading but as you can see from the drawing he was excited about something.

~~~

Karen Eh, Lewd & Nelle

Stick Figure Drawings by Lewd

Thanks to madamepresident for the stagedoor clack