2003-08-20
10:44 a.m.

BEVR: Mardi Gras Mamas/Memphis

Mardi Gras Mamas in Memphis

(the MGMs are Michelle, Pat and Ethel)

MGM Michelle here, giving you the lowdown on the highlights of our road trip to Memphis to see Sugarpants.

We were SO ready for His Clayness, having spent 6 hours on the road with nary a Clay tune in the cd player. In what we feared might be an omen for our trip, we discovered the cd a friend burned for us of Clay's album samples was in fact blank! Nothing! Nada! Zilcho!

(MGM Pat): "When it comes to Clay, no offense to Simon and Garfunkel here, but The Sounds of Silence really sucks."

All was not lost however because Pat regaled us with all the Clay dish she's gleened from the messageboards while surfing the Net at work. Pssst....don't tell her employer! MGM Ethel does not have the internet at work, hence the following:

MGM Ethel: "They call it the Clock???"

MGM Pat: *snickers and explains the Broads unique way of telling time*

MGM Ethel: "Oh My Lord!"

We make it to town early, get all prettified, put on our beads, and look at our boring little watches as the time just drags until finally, it's time to head to the Pyramid. There is already a crowd standing in line, anxious to get inside. The doors won't open for another hour so we have fun chatting with the other fans. LOTS of Clay fans around us. And directly in front of us is a little Clay, Jr, pre-AI makeover. Skinny little red-headed Southern boy who seems to take pride in telling us "You know, Clay was a nerd as a kid".

Awwwwwww, we are so charmed we give the sweet boy from Kentucky some beads!

Loads of us have signs, and loads of us are pretty pissed at the Pyramid's announcement that NO signs will be allowed in! Have no fear - we will NOT be deterred. MGM Pat already has her cloth signs rolled up and tucked away in her purse. She tucks them in even further when we learn purses will be searched!

MGM Ethel: "It is so reassuring to know our country will be safe from the evils of enthusiastic AI fans.�

Not to be thwarted, I fold up my Mardi Gras Mamas sign and tuck it under the back of my shirt and pants. Fortunately MGM Ethel notices I have it shoved down a wee bit too far, giving my butt a rectangular shape � yeah, that�s all I need � something to make my butt look even wider! I scoot the sign up a bit, and I must say poster boards stuck up your shirt does wonders for your posture girls.

Unfortunately this is not even an option for another Clay fan in line with us. She�s got this wicked cool tri-folded cardboard sign that has flames shooting up from the bottom and says �Is it hot in here? Or is it just Clay?!� It looks superb! The young woman is even wearing a matching t-shirt and her pal is wearing a great looking black t-shirt with �Clayvis Lives� spelled out in spotlights! Clearly these girls have spent a lot of time and effort on these creations and Clay WILL see their sign by damn!! They�re told to go talk/beg/bribe the folks at Guest Services. They head off and we wish them luck.

Finally the doors open! My butt is looking normal and I glide right in. MGM Pat�s purse is given a perfunctary once over and she and her contraband enter the building.

MGM Ethel: �That was smooth ladies. Damn, y�all could be spies!�

Spies with weak bladders. We make a quick bathroom stop then find our FLOOR seats! We chat a bit with the women in front of us, and offer them some Mardi Gras beads. Surprisingly (to us anyway) they decline. One of them says, �I�m from New Orleans, and I know what you have to do to get those beads!�

MGM Ethel: �Did she just impugn our morals?�

MGM Pat: �What morals?

Seriously, these women look a little leery of us. Whatever. For the record, we did NOT have to show anything for our beads, and we were NOT on that video �Girls Gone Wild: The French Quarter�. That was NOT us, I SWEAR!

MGM Pat: �Where are the other Braods?�

We know Broad Ruth has a seat on our row. We see a woman several seats down from us and we call out �Ruth?� hopefully. She gives us a confused look. Okay, not Ruth. But the lady is nice and happily gives us some glow sticks. She declines our beads though.

MGM Ethel: �I think she�s been talking to the women in front of us.�

MGM Pat: �WHERE are the other BROADS?�

A tap on the shoulder.

�You wouldn�t happen to be from Louisiana would you?�

�RUTH!!�

�MARDI GRAS MAMAS!!

�Here, have some beads!�

�Ooh, great. Thanks!�

God, love her! It�s a beautiful Broad moment.

We notice some commotion up front and are delighted to see Robin and Erin reveling in their Broadness, proudly holding up their big Lecherous Broads sign to the amusement of the crowd. Folks are taking their picture � the Broads are famous y�all!! MGM Pat digs out her Lecherous Broad sign and we hold it up, trying to get Robin and Erin�s attention. Eye contact! They head over to us. We offer beads. They very happily accept them! God love �em! It�s another beautiful Broad moment.

We see the girls who had the big flame sign come in, CARRYING their sign! Woo Hoo! We cheer and give �em the thumbs up!

Lights dim; It�s SHOWTIME!!

Charles: cute, yadda,yadda. Julia: kinda nervous but good, yadda, yadda. Ricky: electric, big hit with the audience. Kimberme: very impressive on her rockin� number. Carmen: sorry, but she isn�t even as cute in person; weakest of the show. Trenyce: on FIRE! Girl was smokin� and was so touched by the thunderous ovation she got. Kim Locke: (MGM Michelle�s fave) soooooo wonderful; natural performer and what a VOICE! Ruben: yeah, he�s been tainted by the 205 thing, but still the guy is a sweetie; sounded great. MGM Pat: �Yeah, but he had too many songs!�.

The one we�ve been waiting for��.CLAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!

Can�t even hear yourself think from all the screaming and cheering. Everybody on their feet, mesmerized by the magnetism that is Clay. It�s not just his voice which literally soars, but his whole package (snort). Stylish, smooth, warm, effortlessly charming � there just aren�t enough adjectives y�all! *SWOON* Since everything has been so beautifully said already about his performances, we just want to add that even when he�s not doing his solos, but is just standing onstage, his charisma is such that your attention is absolutely drawn to him. It is so fun seeing his reactions to the crowd and their signs and waves � he graciously acknowledges them with the SMILE and winks and mouthed thank-yous.

MGM Pat: �Oh, I got the eye f*** from him!! No doubt about it, honey!�

You know it would be so easy for the other performers to be jealous of his amazing popularity, but Clay�s grace and charm and appreciation of them and their talents is so obvious as he watches them sing that you know they can�t help but love him too. He makes them better actually! The guy is just total CLASS. Loved the way he escorted Kim Locke down the stage after introducing her � what a gentleman!

Green-eyed envy moment of the night: Julia getting that oh so sexy kiss and hip rub from Sugarpants! GAH! How we refrained from rushing the stage and ripping his hands away is a mystery. The gods were smiling on the girl is all I can say.

Well, this has gone on too long and we�re pretty much balls of goo again after reliving our Clay memories. We just keep pinching ourselves that we really got to see him in the FLESH, and are just chomping at the bit until we get to see him again, on his first solo tour!!

MGM Michelle

MGM Pat

MGM Ethel

Note from Nelle: You, too, can participate in the LBFCA Summer Series, and have your Broad's Eye View Report, or, for any other Brude's out there, your Summary of Clay, about Clay's Summer Concert Tour on the LBFCA Main Page. Just send it to Nelle via email, and she'll post it ASAP. (If you are a lurker, or otherwise wish to remain anonymous, just let me know that in your email). Don't worry about your BEVR not being the same size or looking the same as anyone elses. Here at LBFCA we celebrate diversity. Every BEVR is unique. This is your personal experience of witnessing what Katynka so gloriously described as "a little hockey-jersey-clutchin,' white-leather-wearin,' DTTR revealin,' mic-flickin,' thigh-strokin,' eye-f***ing, smokin,' jokin,' singin,' hunk-o-burnin' libido."