2003-09-04
3:06 a.m.

SOC: Joe/San Jose

Significant Other's Commentary: Joe/San Jose

By Famous Lecherous Broad Erin's Boyfriend Joe

Well for any of you guys out there who might be reading and are thinking that I have completely lost it. Well, you�re right! Any man who would travel 3,000 miles to see the person your girlfriend is in love with perform has to be a little out there.

So now that we have that out of the way let me just start by saying that insanity has its benefits. I mean what man would not love spending the better part of a day with nothing but women. Not just women either, �Horn-Nay Women.� Now keep in mind they are all gawking over a man that happens to not be me, but seeing as how they all know he is unattainable, and I look so much like him, they were probably gawking over me too. Now I know what you�re thinking: �Wow he�s got some ego,� but hey it�s a perk of insanity.

Now our journey began this past Thursday (08/28/03) when we finally realized that we were actually going to California. It started with a thousand phone calls to one another saying �Can you believe it, we're going to California?� That statement was always followed by �Are you ready?� �Yes, I am ready.� �Are you ready?� �Did you pack everything?� �I think so.� �Clean underwear, deodorant.� As if I would travel 3,000 miles with no clean draw�s. I was fully packed by mid-afternoon on Thursday. However, Erin was not. She had created a thousand lists, which I hate, and was checking each thing off as she did it. So in the end I believe it was about 2 am when we finally got to sleep that night. Robin had come by that night and had brought Erin a goody bag and a gift for Nelle and she had wished us luck on our trip. So it kind of got us all excited about everything again and I don�t think Erin or I either one got much sleep that night. Thank you Robin.

The next morning we were able to manage to get up and make it to the airport to catch our flight. However, there was a point when I thought we were going to be late to the gate in Charlotte because Erin had to stop and buy the new Entertainment Weekly. Nonetheless we landed, what seemed like 12hrs later in San Francisco. We were there and d**nit it was real! After a brief moment of feeling misplaced we made our way to the rent-a-car place and got on the road to San Jose. It was perfect, there was no traffic on the road, and thank God for that because we were like two 14yr olds out there who had just stolen their daddy�s Subaru wagon and were pimping down to San Jose for the concert, despite the consequences. We arrived in San Jose safe and sound and it was so beautiful. We checked into the Hotel DeAnza and went out to explore the town. We ended up eating Mexican that night and went back to the hotel and fell asleep by 10pm (1am Atlanta time).

The next morning we had a little time to kill so we jumped into the car, one of the only times that we had to use it, and did a little sight seeing. I would have to say that we must have gotten back to the hotel at about noon and Erin already wanted to head over the Britannia Arms restaurant to meet everyone even though we didn�t have to be there until 3:45. So at this point I was getting all excited as well and decided it was time to get Clayed-up. I put on my Diesel jeans and Red shirt and slipped on my Diesel Vegas (the red ones like Clay wore on the show).

Meanwhile Erin was putting on her homemade LBFCA T-shirt with her picture on it. She proceeded to flat iron my hair, throw on her red feather boa and sunglasses, and we left to walk the streets of San Jose like rock stars an hour early.

We ended up meeting Raleighgirl and her daughter at about 3:30 and they were extremely nice and I begin to think "hey this may not be so bad after all." We got to the restaurant and there were lots of crazy Claygirls. They had signs, underwear, and other objects to refer to his sexual organs. At this point I was thinking, �What have I gotten myself into?� and decided to have myself a beer. Needless to say after my third and final beer, I was a Clay ho' too. One of the girls proceeded to hand out some glow jewelry and asked me if I wanted any. I kindly declined and stated that after dressing the way that I had �someone better be throwing panties at me before the night was over.�

Nelle got to the restaurant and we got to meet her. She was so great and filled my ego even more by telling me that I was Famous Joe. She gave out all of the broad buttons and name tags to all the girls and even gave me a BIRD to wear.

At some point during the afternoon I had gotten up from the table and another lady came over and sat down and was talking to Nelle and Erin. As I made my way back to the table I sat behind her (Susieq). She turned around and had to do a double take because she thought that I was Clay. Erin and Nelle introduced me to her and I went through the whole �better be throwing panties thing� again and God love her she showed me hers. We then proceeded to all gather like a gang from West Side Story and march ourselves down the streets of San Jose to the arena.

After we made our way through the masses of people and I waited in line for 20 minutes to get Erin a Clay key chain, which turned out not to be a Clay key chain, we then made our way down to the second row. Now keep in mind this was my first concert so the air was tense with excitement for me. Before I knew it the lights were coming down and the show was starting. It goes without saying that I am not in love with any of these people the way that all the ladies are, but I have to say it was a really good concert. I mean the songs were good and it was as energetic as any concert that I have ever been to. Now granted the ladies broke out the signs and went totally nuts when our boy Clay came out, but in my opinion he deserved it because like the rest of you I believe he was and is the best of the group. I would have to say that the only complaint that I had with the concert itself was the fact that it was a little too loud for me. I ended up with a headache at the end of the night.

After leaving the arena that night several of us including Nelle and Raleighgirl headed back to the hotel. Raleighgirl and mini-Raleighgirl said their goodnights and the rest of us sat in the lobby and tried to wind down. Well, the ladies tried to wind down. I somewhat felt obligated to stay with them as I was afraid if I didn�t they might decide to have a pillow fight or some other act typical of teenagers. After a while the crowd started to grow and the topic of conversation once again turned to Clay�s nether region. I felt somewhat awkward, no wrong word, just down right nasty and cheap, which I usually don�t mind, but did this night. No, not really. So I bid my goodnight to all the ladies and proceeded to do a little spin and tug at my shirt and stated that soon I would be Invisible. The moment was pure rock star. Well maybe that�s a bit much. No, h**l, it was pure rock star.

It all went down hill from that night unfortunately. I suppose because we knew it was all over. Well I take that back we did have a great day of sight seeing in San Francisco, but we ended up having to spend the night in the airport that Sunday night. We did this because it seemed like the feasible thing to do since our plane left the next morning at 7:20. I must say though that even though I was with the woman I love, that was one of the longest nights of my life. There was very little, if any, sleep at all that night and we counted every minute as it passed. Anyway to make a long story short (YEAH RIGHT!) we spent about 9hrs traveling and ended up back in sweet home Atlanta at about 7pm that night. I bet you think this is the end though don�t you? Oh no, not at all. Unlike an episode of the Walton�s, John boy did not live happily ever after. When we got back to the airport we went to baggage claim and watched the wheel go around and eventually Erin�s bag came off. Well, we continued to watch right up until the point the wheel stopped and my bag was no where to be found. At any rate I had my own little piss party right there in the middle of the airport waving my little claim ticket around and using many expletives. Now I know that your thinking "dang it I would have lost it too if my favorite Clay outfit had been in that bag" - and you would be right.

With all of that said I must say it was one of the most memorable, craziest, wildest, most funny, enlightening things I have ever done in my life. I met some of the kindest people whom I hope to see again someday. Most importantly I learned that Clay is not just a person - he is a way of life and to know his kindness is to know the kindness and wonderful ways of all those who love him, despite all their perverted ways. I also must say it was some kind of experience seeing my boy Clay pimp his stuff for everyone in person. He is, as someone once said, every skinny white boy�s hero. Mostly, let me say thank you ladies because �I had the time of my life.� Most of all thanks to my love, Famous Lecherous Broad Erin, may we never tell our teenage children about this. I love you.

Well ladies I hope you enjoy my SOC. Feel free to compare it to Clay�s, I am sure mine is bigger. It is two and a half sheets in length or 27 and one half inches LONG! Feel free to do with it what you will just don�t play with it too much or it may get longer.

With that said I bid you all lives lived by the philosophies of Clay. May it be filled with many Greases and few Vincent�s.

Joe Graves

Rock Star to the Broads