2004-04-07
1:45 p.m.

BEVR: Amy D. / Grand Prairie, TX, March 19 / St. Louis, MO, March 21

BATTLE OF THE BEVRs: Four Days of What Real Life Wishes It Could Be

After months and months of ogling The Man on my television and computer monitors; of wishing I could watch him in his room and not feeling at all creeped out at the thought of him watching me in mine; of hearing our voices blend when he sang through my stereo speakers and desperately wishing it could happen for real some day; of being envious almost to the point of hatred of the Broads that got to see him in concert or meet him, but at the same time loving the Broads almost as much as I loved Clay; of finding out so many little personal details about him and worrying so much about those details that I felt like I knew him in person�except for the ache inside me that reminded me that I didn�t; it finally happened: I threw common sense to the wind and signed up for two concerts. I wanted to meet me some Broads, and I wanted to see me some Clay!

I posted on the White Pages for people going to Grand Prairie, and KJ responded quickly. (How lucky am I?) She and Theresa were going, she said, and I could meet up with them if I liked. I liked her right off the bat; how could I help it? But soon I decided that once wouldn�t be enough, especially if all the Broads were this great. (By this time, I was hanging out in the Champagne Room a lot, so I knew that they were.) I bought a ticket for St. Louis, and asked KJ and Theresa if they wanted to carpool. I�m afraid I bullied them into it. I surprised even myself, because I�m normally pretty shy with people I don�t know. But they agreed, and we were off. It got to the point where I was this close to being as excited about meeting the Broads as I was about seeing Clay. I even arranged a pre-show dinner in Grand Prairie. I have to admire Theresa and KJ: I let them both know that I�m a narcoleptic, and they still agreed to come with me. Either they�re truly wonderful, welcoming people, or� You be the judge.

About a week before we left, KJ emailed with some bad news: she wasn�t going to the shows. She didn�t say why, just that she wasn�t going. I felt terrible, because I knew that she adored Clay, and I knew that she and Theresa had gotten close (not to mention all the money she�d be losing!). I asked her if there was anything I could do, but she said things were fine. I was still excited, but there was a damper on the trip for me. I still planned on meeting Theresa Friday morning. (Friday night was the Grand Prairie show.)

Thursday night, Theresa called me about 10:00. She was so friendly and talkative, and I immediately liked her. She introduced herself as, �Theresa the Broad.� She explained that she had thought of a way that KJ could still go to St. Louis, but that it would mean going a little out of the way and missing the Broad activities in St. Louis on Saturday night. (It would also mean temporarily infuriating Mary in MD, but we didn�t know that until later.) I was thrilled. I said yes immediately, and I don�t think a true Broad would have thought twice before making the same decision. It killed me to think she wasn�t going to get to go. Besides, we got to know each other pretty well, just the three of us. (Furthermore, what if I�d said �no� and Christina and Mary in MD had found out? They�d have skinned me alive!)

Friday morning: I woke up with a migraine from hell. I was in the fetal position, nauseated, when my husband shook me awake. The first words out of my mouth, honest to God, were, �I don�t want to see Clay. I want to sleep.� That�s how bad I felt. I spent half of the rest of the morning in the bathroom and was 30 minutes late picking up Theresa, but I was going to see Clay, dangit! As soon as I got out of my car, though, she enveloped me in a huge hug, and I knew immediately that I loved her.

We were going to meet the other Broads at Chili�s at 5:00, but we didn�t count on roadwork, roadwork, and more roadwork. We arrived at Theresa�s niece�s house just in time to book it to the arena. (Brandy was taking KJ�s ticket. She was a Cloncert virgin, as well.) I knew from a couple of harried cell phone calls that most of the other Broads hadn�t made it to Chili�s for the pre-show, either. I was disappointed, but I was still excited about the upcoming event. (Also, Brandy is a doll. I was already having a blast.) But Grand Prairie Broads, I�m sorry it didn�t work out. I was really looking forward to it.

The concert was incredible. His voice wasn�t dead on, but pretty darn close. He worked the crowd like I knew he could, and we responded like he knew we would. I hadn�t downloaded anything from any of the shows so that I would deliberately be surprised, and I was. I knew he would do �When Doves Cry,� and just the thought made me weak, but I hadn�t heard it. (I am a huge Prince fan.) The performance blew me away. Most people shouldn�t touch Prince, in my opinion. They either don�t have the voice, they don�t have the personality, or they don�t have the sex appeal. Clay has it all, and he knows it, and he worked it.

And the acoustic set�I bawled. Finally (and don�t everybody yell at me at once, please, but I have to say what I feel), music that deserves Clay�s voice. No synthesizers, no silly lyrics, just beauty. The people around me had been less than friendly throughout the show, but even they were looking at me with concern.

I must say that I also enjoyed Kelly, except that her show was so loud that it was distorted. But she has a hell of a voice, I like her style of music, and when she sings, she seems to forget everything else. I was already a fan, but I�m more of one now.

After the show, we spent a couple of hours at IHOP, just Theresa, Brandy, and me. The service was terrible, the food was poorly cooked, but we ate up and had a ball. Dustin (Brandy�s husband) finally called and told Brandy that he couldn�t stay awake any longer. The next morning, we spent hours with Dustin and Brandy talking about politics and religion�the two things you�re never supposed to discuss. Opposite of my usual form once again, I was extremely outspoken. I had an incredible time just talking with these intelligent, thoughtful people that I barely knew, yet that were kind enough to let me stay in their home and listen to my opinions.

On to Oklahoma City, to see KJ perform. I love dinner theatre, so I was excited already. I wasn�t expecting what I got, though. From the d�cor to the ushers to the food to the acting, everything was top notch. KJ was amazing in her role as Pearl, and the show managed to have a lesson without being boringly preachy. I plan to go back for more shows. We got to meet the actors after the show, and she knew who I was before I introduced myself. I loved her immediately, too. Theresa and I came back a while after the show was over to help clean up (I didn�t help much), and everyone was really nice, even if most of them aren�t Clay fans.

Here�s where my story may differ from KJ�s and Theresa�s. As I mentioned, I am a narcoleptic. We had decided to drive as far into the night as possible, and I began to get kind of tired and�shall we say�loopy. But all I did was sound a little drunk. I slurred a little. I didn�t run around the hotel pool naked with �Clay� written on my butt or any of the other insane things that KJ and Theresa threatened to put in their BEVRs. I was too tired to do that. (OK, I did get really giggly with the clerk at the Microtel where we finally stopped. But he reminded me of a really, erm, �talented� guy I used to date. That, combined with the sleepiness and the knowledge that I was about to see Clay, was just too much for me.)

Meeting the Broads was incredible. The funniest experience has to be watching Mary in MD�s expression change from politely controlled fury (when KJ was bent over getting something out of her bag and Theresa and I were the only people she could see) to utter joy (when she saw KJ for the first time) to tears of happiness (when she and KJ hugged for a full minute). There was the hotel, and then Hard Rock Caf�, where I met a million Broads at once. I can�t remember them all, and I�m not going to try, because I know I�ll screw it up. You were all lovely, all beautiful, all wonderful. Thank you.

One in particular was Merry, who bought my extra ticket. Before the show, I was talking to the people around us, who were much friendlier than the people who surrounded me at the Grand Prairie show. They were asking me all sorts of questions about how the show would be. The girl in front of me even told me that if Clay entered on my side, I was free to run over her husband to get to HRH, because her husband didn�t want to be there anyway. He laughed and responded, �But I came. I supported you.� And that�s true. He seemed like a nice guy. When she noticed a few minutes later that they were moving trashcans, meaning that Clay would probably be entering on our side, he took her drink away from her. �That was an expensive drink,� he said. �You can have it back after he passes.�

He did come right by us, and Merry and I did get to touch him. I don�t think I imagined that warmth flowed through him. I know I didn�t imagine that he needs to eat. He ought to come live with me for a while. Sweeneys (my maiden name) never stay thin. We even have fat pets. After he passed, Merry and I fell all over each other like we were too weak to stand (which we were). I want to point out that I felt horribly uncomfortable around Merry. Many of you met her. She�s adorable. I�d been in the car all day, had Santa Fe Spring Rolls on my breath, and hadn�t been able to clean up beyond washing my hands in the bathroom at Hard Rock. Falling all over Merry about touching Clay, I felt like Latrine, the royal witch, in the movie Robin Hood: Men in Tights, when the Sheriff of Rottingham escaped from her and she said, �I was this close...I touched IT!� But Merry was gracious and treated me like a normal Clay-loving human. My one trip regret is that I didn�t get to say goodbye to Merry (M-e-r-r-y), the woman with whom I got to touch Clay. My dear, it was a pleasure.

The rest of the trip was pretty much a blur. (You know that narcoleptics fall asleep immediately after sex, right?) I stayed at Houlihan�s until my eyes began to cross, then went to the Red Roof to crash. I know that I must have had some sort of post-Claytal glow, because the clerk at the Red Roof was extremely cute and extremely flirtatious. I got up early the next morning, already starting to drag because I knew our time was drawing to a close.

I got lost finding the gurrls in front of the Hyatt (of course), but I arrived to KJ�s boobs in my face. �Smell me!� I wasn�t the last person to whom she gave that command before we left. You know you�re in Clay-land when a woman can do that all day and not one person looks at her oddly�and everyone smells her gratefully. We had a conversation with some Clay fans outside the Hyatt before we left. One of them moderates the Enter at Your Own Risk board on Red Hot Topic, but she doesn�t write. She�s �not that creative,� she says. I say she ought to try. I suspect a lot of these authors weren�t that creative before a certain Man entered our lives.

I put it off as long as possible at Theresa�s, but eventually I did have to leave, drop KJ off at her place, and head out. I was immediately depressed. (It was briefly abated when I remembered that I had left my pillow�along with my favorite �vintage� Strawberry Shortcake pillowcase at the Red Roof and got my cute desk clerk. We flirted for a few minutes. Pathetic, but what the heck?)

It took me a while to get over the end of the experience. I�ve come to a few conclusions: I love him more than ever. I love you all more than ever. I know I have to see him again. I have to see you again. And real life sucks in comparison.

~ Amy D.

Link to KJ�s BEVR
Link to Trose�s BEVR

Posted by: Wendy in FL