2003-09-13
1:55 p.m.

Ears, Pt. 1: Introduction

"Always gonna have these"

Back when we first started the Clay Days of the Week, some of us debated the question, which is your favorite Clay body part?

I thought and I thought and I thought some more. It was so hard to choose.

Now, I know you think I'm all about the A**. And I do admire it. A lot.

But how can one ignore that neck, which, as both Nelle and Marie continually point out, shows both swanlike grace and breathtaking power? Or those downy legs? The 13 1/2s? Or the man hands? Or the, um, package? And don't even get me started on the eyes or the smile.

He makes it so hard for us to choose.

I was torn. I contemplated each body part at length, downloaded thousands of pictures, and watched and rewatched my DVDs. It was torture, I tell you. Pure torture.

Finally, I decided I needed to ask a higher authority.

So, on my next date with Clay, I asked, "Hey Clay, what is your most special body part?"

Clay turned to me and smiled. "You silly gurrrrrrllll," he said affectionately. (Remember, Clay's the only one allowed to call us gurrrrllllls.) "I told you this almost the first time you met me."

And then he pointed and said, "It's the ears, of course."

The ears? The ears? THE EARS! Yes! Of course! THE EARS!

I slapped myself on the forehead. How could I have not known? Especially after a summer spent obsessing over those concert earpieces, and the fascination with how he would put them in and take them out and put them in repeatedly during GBTUSA.

What a fool I was to not have figured it out.

Take away the a** or the legs or the neck or the feet, and Clay would still be Clay. But the ears, they were what set him apart from the moment he wiggled them for us and promised he was "always gonna have these."

And we're so happy he will. They are such beautiful ears. When Elle calls him "jug eared" or Rolling Stone refers to them as "mud flaps," we all know that they mean that in the sexiest way possible. Others could only dream of having such ears.

Those poor flat-eared sex symbols. Their ears are so difficult to nibble, pressed back against their heads like that. Clay's are right out there, waiting for someone (me) to take a taste. And when others turn to face you, you lose sight of their ears completely. Not like Clay's ears, which are deliciously visible from every angle, whether it be this,

or this

or this

Oh, those glorious ears!

When we left the restaurant to continue with the rest of our date, I turned toward him and suddenly it all came into focus. Those ears are at the center of everything we love about Clay.

--Katynka, with lots of inspiration from other Broads and from those wonderful ears

PS--And yes, I have spoken with Clayton about wearing that Vincident suit on our dates, and he has promised me he will retire it. Tonight I asked him specifically to wear the tight green t-shirt from the video shoot for our Saturday night date. We're going salsa dancing. I'll let you know how that goes.

Do you like Clay's ears, too? Then I have good news for you. There are more ears where this came from, so keep checking back throughout the week for more good ear from several ear afficionados among the Broads.